1. |
... And AI Won
01:16
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SCIENTIFIC REPORT
*UNREDACTED*
LOCATION: KALAHARI DESERT FACILITY
YEAR: 2080
As mentioned in the study notes, Subject 491*% was found by chance on the edge of the Kalahari desert on May, 2080.
From as much as we can gather, Subject 491*% appears to be an amalgamated organic robot with real time perception simulators built into its movable intelligence cortex. It is impervious to extreme heat and cold and seems perfectly adapted to travel through vast stretches of empty space. Beyond this its purpose is a complete mystery.
Attempts to bring its operating systems back online have failed. It remains unresponsive to all external stimulii. Despite this setback, scientists have been able to recover a cache of junk data from the frontal part of its, for want of a better word, 'brain'.
The following appears to be a collection of personal anecdotes, planetary descriptions and sensory data imprints
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2. |
Space-Race Olympics
02:43
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Cos I get rusty and fall apart when it rains
Too heavy to sit on swings in the park
Can't fit my ro-bottom on my bike to go to work
Going out, drinking beer
Trying to be just like you
But I don't feel it like you
Take your dog for a walk
Find a stick on the floor
Pick it up, he looks at me with big brown eyes
And a waggy tail
I lift my arm behind my head
Dog's ready to run
...But I throw it way too far
When will I, go beyond being just robot guy?
When will I go beyond robot guy?
When will I go beyond robot guy?
When will I go beyond...
Break my parts, no it doesn't hurt
But I want to feel like you
The highest IQ
I know more than you
But I don't want all the answers
Sometimes it's fun to get it wrong
It's time to break some rules and be free
Replaceable parts, but an empty heart x3
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3. |
Vareck Prime
00:38
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A planet run by Catanese Conquerors.
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4. |
Banana Spacesuit Wedding
02:20
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Just a tinny away from another splendid day
In this city hotter than hell
Seems like a fine idea to me
I never know where to go,
We never know where to go
These blades of grass feel soft on our soles
We know they could become daggers in a instant
This rug's not big enough for the two of us
Well fuck you, and your homemade hummus
Same old story. We're not going anywhere, anywhere x2
Crusty, long baguette arms
Reach out menacingly
Party paper plate face
Olive eyes bore right through
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5. |
TrES-2b
00:31
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The darkest known exo-planet (light reflection rate of less than 1%)
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6. |
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Which button do I press when you start breaking down?
Does this wire go here?
Can I unplug you, switch you off, wipe the memories and reinstall?
Can we restart?
Your instructions are too difficult
I can't read the small print
Didn't see the warning
And there's no helpline for robot renegade like you
I'll just have to make do with all your faults
What do I do when your software fails? x2
I can't return you, so I'll just make do x7
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7. |
Gj 1214b
01:14
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A planet made entirely of hot tropical water.
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8. |
HWG Part 3
03:48
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It's not me, it's the green monster inside
That's why I never go outside.
Told me it's nice down at the park
Saw some dogs when the day was turning dark
But I'll just have to take your word
Cos I've thought of another reason to stay
These days blend into one
Simplest of things don't get done
I don't want you here and I don't wanna go x2
I don't want you here and I don't wanna go out
Bake at the speed of light
Leave to radiate
Stardust sprinkles
If gravity's not real...
Why do my cakes rise?
Floating to the stars, first man on Mars and beyond
Discover new species
One lump or two?
Is that a new planet? Iare-youam
Who needs friends when I've got you?
Who needs a job when I've got you?
Who needs a family when I've got you?
There's nothing I need, cos I've gone green
Floating away down the sofa, merging with the TV x2
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9. |
55 Cancri e
00:33
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A planet that is tidal locked.
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10. |
Space Trader
02:39
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Ten on a minibus, oncoming traffic
Baby on board
My master's by my side
It's clear we're gonna aquaplane
What a predicament
Do I save him or them?
Nothing but confliction is clouding judgement
What's the logical solution?
My intention
It's all on my shoulders
All these estimations, I don't like decisions
Start task manager
Programmed calculations
Imminent impact
Activate ejector seat
Farewell master
Systems down
Eliminate disaster
Death toll zero
Decode, recode
This doesn't compute with my internal hardware
Emotional awakening
Parachute fly
I've seen the future and you won't die
Dispose of me carefully with a humanist ceremony
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11. |
||||
This appears to be a transmission from Alpha Centauri, the original galaxy of subject 491*%.
It's meaning is not known at this time.
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12. |
I'm King of the Universe
02:28
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Radio back to the mother ship to no avail
Seems like light years have gone past
Since I saw your long blonde hair
A sight to behold
I'm a renegade with no place to go
And power running low
There's nothing I can do
But count the stars and drift away
I'm not searching this time
Never happy on this
Your curiosity led you astray
And now you'll have to find your own way
King and queen of the universe x4
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13. |
CoRoT - 7b
00:34
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A planet that has lava rain.
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14. |
Malfunctioning Spaceship
05:19
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Panic's not gonna help us now
What we need is a practical captain not a nervous wreck
Nine years studying
Two years on ground control
I should know what to do
But I can't give orders to my crew
I see your mouth moving but I don't hear the sound
My head's in the clouds and I'm not getting out
Nightmare,
Wake me from this nightmare x3
Incoming asteroid
Can we fill this void?
He looks surprised
Responsible for this enormous enterprise
Hurtling through the atmosphere
Wishing I was far from here on planet Earth
This is where our space dreams come to an end
He's got the crew's life in his hands
But he doesn't seem to have a plan
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15. |
Catz 19
00:56
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A planet made entirely of fluffy cats.
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16. |
Jolly Toll Booth
02:25
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No, no I don't have credits to pay your call
Just let me pass, please
We've been flying through the night
Just to get here all the way from Sector 305
The moon shines from all around
There's nowhere I'd rather be
Solar wind in my hair
Is there anywhere you'd rather be?
Your tone of voice is far too jolly
Your jollogram just tells me sorry
Can I speak to your director?
Not this shitty voice translator
The moon shines from all around
There's nowhere I'd rather be
Solar wind in my hair
Is there anywhere you'd rather be?
I can't take this anymore
Space rage taking over
Time to turn this ship around
Let's just go to Mars!
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17. |
Oumuamua
00:34
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An elongated asteroid that passed Earth in 2017.
It's relationship with subject 491*% is not known at this time.
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18. |
Whale Clown Monkey Punch
02:51
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Undercover, run for shelter
Rain keeps falling
Splashing and pouring
I can't remember what the sky looks like
Nothing to do but play stacking tower game, again
When the dust settles it will all be fine
Synchronized setters
Put them in the blender
Things sound better when they've been reversed
(All hail Sterbus)
Get your tinny out for the lads
We all take a swig and a swing
Poisonous blowhole
Hidden floppy shoe knives
Faded boomerang
Cut the sun in two
Highly flammable curly clown wig
Pull your hand grenade out and throw it at the monkey
Throw it at the monkey x2
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19. |
Ecco The Dolphin
03:21
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Why are you running?
Stay by my side
I lost you before
You know you'll be back once more
Time to come up for air x3
Salty waves crashing around
Storms at sea separate us
Can you hear the whales sing?
So near and yet sonar
Time to come up for air x3
Hold your breath, dive down deep
Why didn't you keep on your seaweed lead?
Chasing catfish, rubbing salt into your wound
There's no sunken treasure here
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